We’ve been tricked. Yeah, that’s how it is. But wait — tricked about what?
No matter how smart we are, most of us were fooled into thinking that gentleness means weakness. That power is about the booming voice, the ability to walk over heads, and being cruel. This approach usually labels depression as boredom, procrastination as laziness, and anxiety as weakness. It’s a myth in a society that has been valuing aggression and self-criticism for centuries.
But true power isn’t always about being forceful. Being gentle often is being powerful. So, if you have always wanted to combine the two features of yourself and bring them to full bloom, this quick read might be your starting point.
Being Gentle: What Does It Signify?
Let’s define this small yet meaningful word. Gentle. It doesn’t mean being overly sweet or lying through your teeth just to keep the peace. Oh, and it’s also not about you always ignoring your needs. Professionals at the Liven app review what mental health specialists call being gentle, and they have quite an inspiring message.
To be gentle is to:
- Choose kind words even when it’s easier to snap
- Pause to observe how your words land
- Use empathy to understand the other person
- Protect yourself without being aggressive or reactive.
If you need a visual, imagine a cat carefully moving through the grass, rather than rapidly stomping its feet. Without a need to force or control, you gain the power to treat yourself gently, too.
A Tiny Secret About Being Gentle & Powerful
You know that trend that states that you’re only cool and strong when you’re aggressive, and that being gentle means being weak and naive? Here’s why it’s a lie.
It’s easy to be mean and cruel — the world often pushes us into a corner and makes lashing out and growing resentful a most likely choice. You probably know that some people call it “growing up.” Being cynical suddenly turns into being mature, and so a lot of us put on our adulthood with a shadow over us. It’s like “Take one year — get being moody as a bonus!”
In this world, being gentle is powerful because it’s choosing the harder path, the road most people won’t understand. To witness the cruelties of the world and still remain kind, without closing your heart, takes much more bravery than you might think. Those who choose to remain kind do so not because they are naive but because they know how painful it can be. To witness the world at its darkest and not let it drag you down is what makes the gentle among us so unique and precious.
Reconciling the Two
Being both gentle and decisive means you don’t have to choose between softness and security. You don’t sacrifice something just to appease your other side. You can care deeply and still be your own person, moving forward. You don’t need to prove your power. You simply act from it.
Fundamentals First
Are you interested in trying this new version of yourself? Here are some tips on how to bridge this gap.
Spend Time in Silence, Without Guilt
Gentle power doesn’t just emerge out of nowhere, especially if you have been ignoring it for some time. Spend some of your time — even 5 minutes will do — sitting silently with yourself and reflecting on the way behind and ahead. Analyze your feelings. Was there something important? Is there something you believe needs additional gentleness from you? View this practice as a small recalibration.
Surround Yourself With the Right People
While you don’t need to cut off those who don’t share your values, you can slowly invite new ones into your days. Find those who want to remain soft and compassionate, even in the face of struggle. Even if you don’t befriend them, just give them some space in your life. Is it a calm boss? A barista who always stays positive, even when they break something? Just by exposing yourself to these people, you start to find new role models.
Cultivate Safety Around Yourself
One of the most common reasons for aggression and a lack of empathy is feeling insecure in our own spaces. If we feel threatened, we don’t have time to process and act kindly, even if we would like to. Rebuild this sense of stability into your life. Find the home that feels like you. Start to distance yourself from those people who make you uncomfortable. Bit by bit, return the sense of control to you.
Navigating Life Anew
Now that you have made several significant shifts in your life, here are some strategies that will help you communicate and make choices with gentle decisiveness.
Be Honest, Not Harsh
When something’s not working — a friendship, a collaboration, a situation — honesty is necessary. What matters is how you deliver and discuss the news. Instead of hurting the other person with your words, say what went wrong. You can disagree and not go into a battle. Use thoughtful words and be present as you start a dialogue.
Allow People to Feel Disappointed
We know it sounds strange, but what we mean is that you cannot make everyone happy. Some people will be offended even if you do your best. A dark side of gentleness can accidentally become people-pleasing. Let people have their reactions. They’re allowed to feel disappointed, and you’re still allowed to choose what’s best for you.
Align With Your Values, Not Emotions
Gentleness tunes you into emotions. Decisiveness helps you sort through them. When you make decisions, whether about how you expect others to treat you or what path to choose, utilize both. Your emotions will change, but your values will stay the same for a long time. Before making a decision, ask yourself: Am I making the right choice? Will it lead me closer to my goal? This will give you the direction necessary to make consistent decisions.
In Search of Coexistence
Easier said than done, we know. But gentleness and decisiveness aren’t opposites. When you use them together, you get an entirely new kind of power — and it’s up to you to discover it.
Photo: Sebastian Voortman via Pexels.
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